OLD AGE

I think love is the most beautiful thing in the world. And I don't give a fuck cause I have no original ideas. you'de think I was reprimanding myself and revealing my horrible dark side, by saying that, but what I was really saying is it's an ultimatium..Life or Death..and sure maybe I'm being extreme. but you walk around and tell me, things aren't extreme, jesus, I've seen a man jack off to a gap window display, so don't tell me love isn't important.

And maybe you didn't "get" that series of lines, that's okay. Most of them are subtext designed to impress people who know too much about art, all you need to listen to is the twelve percent that contain the words "fuck" and "ass." Because we all need to know about the relevant things, because we're all looking for the complete definition of love. If only we could look up our enclylopedia britiannica and look up love and "Know." But love is not that easy..

They say that cupid loved "my so called life," and when the show was cancelled. Cupid cried and cried and cried. And decided to fuck up all of humanity. And this is why China has trouble with it's birthrate, and arkansas rhymes with date rape, and iraq is iraq, and the fat lipo-sucked out of california could be it's own island.

But this isn't about geography, it's about love. the bane of my exsistence, the reason I hate valentine's day and halloween, which is about ghosts, and I think you know where I'm going here, I'm going to the land of boyfriends of halloween's past, and maybe I've only got five ghosts in this land, but that doesn't mean they don't bring their friends. who are the ghosts of boys who have rejected me, because boys rarely travel alone in this land. Sychler is from this land.

I used to kiss him, while listening to "the Cure's "Just Like Heaven" now I don't see him anymore and that song makes me sad. Why must we associate music with our love lives? I'm not trying to be profound here, I'm just saying music takes me back..way back. And I can't explain the memory process involved in that. Because I'm not a pyschology major.

Maybe I should open up my sensitive side, but really the sensitive side sucks, I've been there. You can only imagine the kind of sweaters they make you wear, love is not fair, war is not fair, and I don't care what anybody has to say about any of that. This is not the direction I wanted to take this, And maybe I shouldn't have said any of this..Woody Allen taught us that marriage is a death trap...I'm almost as old as his girlfriend.

I don't have any answers and I'm looking for help from anyone..because love has me fucked and dying, and maybe that's sentimental, but what's wrong with sentimental?

to self: Fuck You..I'm okay.

You see I can't decide what I need, much less understand what I'm saying...~~~~~~~~~~